Birth is women's business. Some women, most women in Western culture, want their partner there to support them. My experience has been that the men have mixed feelings about it.
Some men are fantastic supporters for their partner, others try hard but turn out to be annoying, and some I just want to throw out of the birthing room 😀 A lot of men clearly do not want to be there - sitting in a corner, watching tv, talking on or playing with their phone, and generally being a distraction. Dad jokes are the worst - seriously guys, don't try to be funny while your partner is in labour, it's really not helpful.
It was not too many years ago that men were not allowed to be present, at all. Like my own dad, who was promptly told to go to work and he would be called at the appropriate time. This isn't the answer either!
I particularly take offence to the statements I often hear from women, along the lines of "he put it in there, he can damn well be there to get it out." How disrespectful! Surely this is a decision best made as a couple, with frank and open communication both ways. Birth is such a profound experience for all involved and birth support is an important part of it. Birth support needs to be the right fit - nobody should feel obligated or coerced into something they don't want to do.
It was not too many years ago that men were not allowed to be present, at all. Like my own dad, who was promptly told to go to work and he would be called at the appropriate time. This isn't the answer either!
I particularly take offence to the statements I often hear from women, along the lines of "he put it in there, he can damn well be there to get it out." How disrespectful! Surely this is a decision best made as a couple, with frank and open communication both ways. Birth is such a profound experience for all involved and birth support is an important part of it. Birth support needs to be the right fit - nobody should feel obligated or coerced into something they don't want to do.
I'm also on the fence about men being on postnatal wards overnight. Surely women can have this one safe space? It really won't affect bonding if dad's not there the first night or two. If you want dad around, why not do early discharge instead? Bonding with baby is best done in your own safe space at home, not in a busy hospital ward with its bright lights and constant activity. Many hospitals offer home midwifery services, or you can find yourself a private midwife to visit you at home for checkups and support. Postnatal doulas are also fantastic!
There may be women on the ward who have suffered abuse and don't want strange men around. Women are very vulnerable in those first hours and days. It's not appropriate to have men unknown to them in close proximity when they have just given birth and are bleeding, trying to breastfeed and get through the night without giving in to the waves of emotions that happen after birth.
Guys, I'm not excluding you. But women need this safe space. Lots of women are okay with men being in their space, but many are not. It's these extremely vulnerable women that we need to support, respect and protect. If you do stay on the postnatal ward, please be respectful of others, and remember that they may not be comfortable with you being there.
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